Changes

Four years ago, on this day, March 13, the world shut down.  It was a strange time for sure.  I was about to start a new role at work, and it was surreal to be closing down my office instead of moving to my new department.  I was forever the optimist and didn’t really think we’d be home all that long.  In the days and weeks that followed, things went from bad to just plain weird.  For anyone who followed me during that time, and for anyone who wants to reflect on it now, I left a diary of what I experienced with losing my job, my connection to other people, and even my identity.  Honestly, I thought I got past all of that with finding delight in the simple pleasures of spending time in nature, caring for my family, and picking up this writing practice.  Despite my eternal positivity, the world really did change forever.  In some ways, that’s been great.  In other ways, I’ve really struggled.  I didn’t realize how much I’ve been hiding until I drew this picture of how I lost I’ve felt.

I tried many things on my own to cure my disappearing energy, but nothing worked.  My mind, my body, and my spirit suffered under the weight of the heavy burden I was taking on because I wanted to continue being everything to everyone – or to at least hang onto the illusion of it.  See, as a caregiver, I didn’t know any other way to be.  I’ve been taking care of everyone else at work and at home for decades.  And then, suddenly, my kids grew up and didn’t need me, work didn’t need me, and I had NO IDEA who I was, what I wanted, or how to move forward.  Something had stolen my D’LIGHT for life, and after three years, it was finally time to seek help with taking it back.  Which brings me to KEY #1 in unlocking my D’LIGHT for Life.

KEY 1:  ASK FOR HELP

Whether it’s with a therapist, a friend, a coach, a mentor, your spouse, your family, find a way to speak up about what you need – no matter how small it might be.  Going it alone is hard and LONELY.  I started by allowing guests to help me in the kitchen instead of saying, “No, that’s okay. I’ve got this.”  It took some effort to work through that knee-jerk reaction of doing it all.  I had to stop, take a breath, and think through what they could do to help.  With grace and gratitude, I am now able to confidently say, “Can you please chop these vegetables?”  It all sounds so trivial and silly, and I remain a work in progress.  But starting here opened me up to ask for bigger and better ways others can help me.

KEY 2:  PLAY

I observe my husband taking time to do things he enjoys – reading, listening to music, golfing, napping while watching golfing, meeting up with his friends or work colleagues.  I was rarely and/or NEVER doing anything other than thinking, thinking, thinking, doing, doing, doing.  There was always something else that needed to be taken care of – cooking, dishes, laundry, errands, visiting family, washing the car, paying the bills, catching up on work, volunteering, making calls, the list of things considered more valuable than my own well-being was endless.  Last year, I started getting together with a group of friends for crafty art projects.  At first, I grumbled about blocking the time on my calendar because I had so many other “important” things on my list of responsibilities.  Who has time for all of this child’s play when there’s dinner to cook, floors to wash, and laundry to put away?  Well, I’m here to tell you that it’s true: You can’t fill from an empty cup. The time I’ve spent creating with these ladies isn’t at all about WHAT we’re creating as much as it is about HOW we’re co-creating a new way of living that’s actually FUN.  It has transformed how I look at everything. 

KEY 3:  REST

This remains the hardest piece of advice for me to follow.  I practice all of these tips, and many more, but this one is the one I will put aside most easily.  YET THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE!  While asking for help and taking time to play might be considered a sign of weakness in our fast-paced world, resting doesn’t necessarily land a place on the list of ways to be successful.   We push, and we push, and we push our bodies beyond the warning signs they give us.  The body is quiet in its way of saying “I’m tired.”  Because the message starts off so subtle, we more often than not override the warning until the body has no choice but to hand over the consequences of our inattention.  This goes for our minds too.  I can overthink as much as I over-serve and over-give! Among the best gifts I give my mind every day include oxygen from conscious deep breaths,  frequent breaks from screen time, and quiet time without any outside voices so I can listen to my own.

I hope these 3 tips inspire you to dive into a few of your own.  There are many more I’ve incorporated and many more I’m just now learning about.  Overlaying it all is a growing spiritual practice that resonates with me in a way that is both unexpected and delightful.  In the weeks ahead, I’ll be sharing more about my “unschooling” and will be creating opportunities for those of us like-minded women to come together for nurturing and community.

Until then, Shine On

-Diane